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  • Futile and Stupid Plans for Managing Biden’s “Newcomers” (a Satire)

Futile and Stupid Plans for Managing Biden’s “Newcomers” (a Satire)

William L. Kovacs

April 2024

Futile and Stupid Plans for Managing Biden’s “Newcomers” (a Satire)

No one knows how many illegal immigrants are in this country, or as President Biden dubs them, “the newcomers.” Before sending out the “Welcome Wagons,” the federal government needs to know how many there are and where they will be before their numbers show up in census data and congressional redistricting. Simply, Biden needs a Welcome Wagon plan.

Several reputable estimates put the number between 10.5 and 11 million around 2021. Add another 5-6 million under Biden’s rule, so the total reaches 17 million. The problem is that no one knows their names, backgrounds, or even where they live. Our skilled “intelligence agencies” do not even know who the terrorists are. Even if our federal government could find them, the U.S. could not deport them since many of the countries they come from will not accept them back. Less than 10% speak English. Randomly paying for their room, board, education, travel, cell phones, and clothing costs Americans hundreds of billions of dollars.

The U.S. has almost 600,000 Americans homeless. The U.S. is short 7.3 million low-income rental units. And 11.5% of the U.S., about 37.9 million people live below the poverty line. To add another 17 million people to our poverty rolls without a plan is insanity. Managing additional tens of millions of newcomers will require thinking way, way outside the sanity box. It is time for Biden to develop a few futile and stupid plans to manage them until they get their asylum hearing.

Biden has more than a few good options.

Option 1 is to buy another country.

The United States is experienced in buying massive amounts of land from other countries. After all, it bought Alaska from the Russians. It purchased Louisiana and the territory up the Mississippi River from France. The Louisiana Purchase comprises six states and a large portion of eight states. The U.S. also bought parts of the Virgin Islands in 1915 from Denmark. President Trump proposed buying Greenland. Since no countries or large areas of land are currently up for sale, the federal government will need to do what it has done historically: take it from another country or make an offer that cannot be refused.

The U.S. acquired our entire Southwest by conquest, which was about fifty-five percent of Mexico. Now, the U.S. is irritated that Mexico will not care for the millions of newcomers awaiting an immigration trial in the U.S. The U.S. should buy Baja California (“Baja”) from Mexico to remedy this situation. It’s a peninsula, thereby very easy to control. Our Feds could give Mexico an offer it can’t refuse. Accept a substantial amount of money, or the U.S. will take it by force. Since the Cartels control about thirty-five percent of Mexico, it should be easy to reach an agreement. The U.S. makes the offer, and the Cartels will demand the Mexican government accept it so they can receive their cut.

The good part of Baja is that it abuts California, so bus transportation costs will be less than flights to another continent. As a peninsula, there is only one escape route: through the area where California and Arizona meet. The territory is beautiful, Spanish is the predominant language, and its people are delightful.

Option 1 is the perfect enforceable “Remain in Mexico” policy.

Option 2 is the consolidation of all illegals in the Sanctuary States.

There are 9 Sanctuary states (CA, CO, CT, MA, NJ, NY, OR, RI, VT) plus DC. These advanced, Progressive enclaves of brilliance adopted “Sanctuary” status for a reason—they want more and more illegals. Our federal government should accommodate them by mandating that all newcomers reside in those states while waiting for their asylum claims to be heard.

Such a mandate would dramatically help these Sanctuary states by adding to their population for the 2030 Census. More people would directly result in a greater share of federal dollars for each of the states and more representation in Congress.

Option 3: make all NGOs and charities “Walk the Talk” and adopt.

Currently, the federal government gives grants to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of non-governmental organizations, charities, and church organizations (“collectively NGOs”) to make sure the illegal immigrants have all the worldly benefits needed for a reasonably comfortable living. These NGOs are the true believers in the cause. It is time, however, that they “Walk their Talk.” As a condition of employment, every individual working for an NGO should house and feed, at their expense, one illegal immigrant. This hospitality alone will take care of hundreds of thousands of illegals until their asylum hearing. It will also demonstrate the charity of the American people.

Option 4 is additional public housing for the Sanctuary states.

The Sanctuary states will need additional housing for its many “newcomers.” Again, it is fortunate there is an easy solution. Most federal office buildings are underutilized since a majority of federal workers no longer work in the offices. This office space could be used to house newcomers. The Government Accountability Office (GAO) in July 2023 highlighted the “underutilization” of federal office space. The GAO “surveyed two dozen federal agencies and found they averaged a roughly 80% vacancy rate during the study period earlier this year. Not a single agency topped 50% use.”

The Congressional Research Service reported, “In FY2010—the most recent data available—the government held 77,700 buildings it identified as either not utilized or underutilized and spent $1.67 billion dollars operating and maintaining them.” There is no need for the feds to convert them. Just open them up and give the newcomers “squatter rights.” This option alone could house millions of newcomers.  This option will open up millions of spaces for newcomers to live while awaiting trial.

Option 5, solving the crime issue, is as easy as making NYC a penal colony.

No matter where one puts the newcomers, the crime issue must be addressed for the common man, woman, trans, or whatever identity is assumed. Fortunately, that is the easiest of all problems to solve. Turn Manhattan, yes New York City, into the nation’s penal colony. It can be very secure. Manhattan is an island, so keeping criminals within a designated area is easy. Entry and exit are only by bridge, tunnel or boat, all easy to guard.  Moreover, the state of New York aggressively invites all criminals to NYC by openly establishing a policy of allowing crime without punishment.

Within New York’s crime culture, there would be no need for jails or police. Criminals could run wild. Think of Manhattan as a real-life Lord of the Flies experiment, except that it would involve real criminals attempting to govern themselves. The experiment could also include social scientists who would study and stream the breakdown of society in real time. That’s Noble Prize material.

If these proposals are adopted, the federal government would have all the time needed to vet the newcomers and schedule their asylum hearings. Problem solved!


William L. Kovacs, author of Devolution of Power: Rolling Back the Federal State to Preserve the Republic. His previous book, Reform the Kakistocracy, received the 2021 Independent Press Award for Political/Social Change. He served as senior vice president for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and chief counsel to a congressional committee. He can be contacted at [email protected]







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  • Illegal Immigration Costs More than 13 of 15 Federal Dept.

Illegal Immigration Costs More than 13 of 15 Federal Dept.

William L. Kovacs

January 2024

Illegal Immigration Costs More than 13 of 15 Federal Dept.

The federal government is very slick in sticking the cost on others for programs it wants implemented but wants to avoid paying for. It sticks the cost of $2 trillion of regulations annually on business. It imposes hundreds of billions more on state and local governments to manage the illegal immigration coming through its open southern border.

How does the federal government cause problems like illegal immigration and avoid paying for it? What is the cost of illegal immigration, and how does it compare to the costs of permanent departments of government?

The U.S. Supreme Court holds that the federal government can treat citizens and noncitizens differently under the Equal Protection Clause. As to states, however:

“Under a long line of Supreme Court cases, states and localities that distinguish between citizens and noncitizens are subject to “strict scrutiny,” meaning that to comply with the Constitution, the [state] law or policy that treats noncitizens differently must ‘further [] a compelling state interest by the least restrictive means practically available.”’

If a state denies noncitizens the public benefits offered to citizens, it must establish that such denial is the least restrictive alternative to achieve a compelling state interest. That standard is almost impossible for states to meet. Therefore, if state and local governments provide K-12 education and hospital treatment for emergency medical conditions for uninsured citizens, they must also provide those benefits to illegal immigrants or risk costly civil rights lawsuits.

Moreover, since the federal government does not require localities to verify immigration status before providing benefits and, recognizing in many instances, federal immigration officials will not give the local governments the immigrant’s status, there is a tremendous incentive to provide the public benefits to the illegals to avoid litigation.

What are the benefits to illegals costing taxpayers?

A November 2023 interim report by the majority members of the House Committee on Homeland Security cited two studies on the cost of benefits to illegal immigrants. A May 2023 report by The Center for Immigration Studies calculated the annual costs to state and local governments to care for and house the illegal immigrants was $451 billion. Another 2023 report by the Federation for American Immigration Reform calculated the annual net burden on the U.S. economy from illegal immigrants to be more than $150 billion.

How does the cost of illegal immigrants compare to the cost of running federal cabinet level departments?

While the cost estimates of illegal immigration vary wildly, even the lowest cost estimate of $150 billion is more than the U.S. spends to run most federal agencies. Since state and local governments pick up most of the cost of illegal immigration, and those costs are widely dispersed throughout the U.S., it is necessary to compare the overall costs of illegal immigrants against the cost of federal cabinet-level departments that serve the nation. Using this comparison, one can evaluate the cost of illegal immigration to other nationwide government operations.

$451 billion of care for illegal immigrants exceeds the combined amounts appropriated for the discretionary budget of 10 federal cabinet-level departments.

The United States spent $428 billion in FY 2022 discretionary appropriations to fund the Departments of Commerce, Education, HUD, Interior, Justice, Labor, State, Treasury, and Veterans Affairs. The cost of caring for illegal immigrants was $451 billion. Conversely, the U.S. spent $23 billion less to fund ten major departments of government that run most of the domestic affairs of the nation than state and local governments spend to care for illegal immigrants.

The U.S. spent less of its discretionary FY 2022 budget to fund its two largest cabinet departments,  the Department of Health and Human Services ($131.8 billion) and the Department of Homeland Security ($52.2), than state and local governments spent to care for illegal immigrants, i.e., $185 billion vs $451 billion.

The lower $150 billion estimate to care for illegal immigrants is almost two times the amount spent on all major agencies (not cabinet-level departments) combined.

FY 2022’s discretionary budget appropriated approximately $82 billion to fund all its major federal agencies: The Corps of Engineers, EPA, GSA, NASA, National Science Foundation, Small Business Administration, and numerous other smaller agencies.

The $150 billion spent to care for illegal immigrants is greater than the discretionary budgets of every cabinet-level department and major agency in the U.S. except the Department of Defense.

While calculating the cost of care for illegal immigrants in any one state or city is comparatively small next to the $6 trillion budget of the U.S. government, the total amount spent on illegal immigrant care is massively out-of-proportion when compared to what is spent to run the all the departments and agencies of the federal government.

The amount spent by state and local governments to care for illegal immigrants is as much as the federal government spends to run eighty percent of its domestic programs. The federal government may not care that it is driving state and local governments bankrupt, but it should understand it has embarked on a path to incite civil unrest or civil war. The federal government’s open border does not make sense. But then again, perhaps that is what the federal government seeks, so it has a reason to take repressive actions against citizens it finds objectionable.

William L. Kovacs has served as senior vice president for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, chief counsel to a congressional committee, chairman of a state environmental board, and a partner in law D.C. law firms. His book Reform the Kakistocracy is the winner of the 2021 Independent Press Award for Political/Social Change. He can be contacted at [email protected]





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  • Government of the Absurd

Government of the Absurd

William L. Kovacs

September 2021

Government of the Absurd

It’s difficult to Characterize the decision-making process of the Biden administration. Nothing makes sense, not Biden fumbling his words reading a teleprompter, the opening of our southern border for all to enter without proof of identity or health status, the wacky surrender of Afghanistan, constantly changing mask mandates, propaganda telling us “All is fine,” while labeling our founding documents as “offensive.” Biden and his sycophant minions appear to be surreal characters in a seemingly illogical plot filled with nonsensical dialogue, that is plunging the U.S. into meaningless chaos. The only word that describes the Biden administration is “absurd.” We have a “Government of the Absurd.”

The U.S. government spins its every statement in the hope citizens believe what is not true. Its political language is doublespeak. Words used by politicians no longer have meaning. There is no longer any communication between us and those running our government.

With 338 million people in the U.S., we elected a man described as “Sleepy Joe Biden.” He is gaffe-prone; decades of gaffes insulting blacks, Indians, women, disabled, to name a few. He also has a lifetime of plagiarism starting with law school papers and continuing onto the Senate floor and presidential campaigns. He refuses to answer questions from the press so he does not embarrass himself. Worse, when he finishes whatever he has to say, he turns his back not only on reporters but the American people as he leaves the room. When he does answer questions on policy matters, e.g., the infrastructure deal with Congress, his staff makes later announcements to “clarify, i.e., reverse” his “statements.” These are his good days. On his bad days, he gets lost walking around the White House.

The only person saving Biden from the Constitution’s 25th Amendment (inability to discharge duties of the Office) is his vice president who seems even less “with it” than he. Fortunately, for “Cackling Kamala” she follows sage advice, “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

A few of Biden’s policies illustrate his befuddlement in addressing human events.

Afghanistan: Biden secretly withdraws our troops protecting Bagram Air Base without telling the Afghans or our allies, surrenders Afghanistan to the Taliban, and orders the withdrawal of military troops before removing the civilians they are protecting. Biden’s secret withdrawal leaves thousands of Americans and our allies at the mercy of the Taliban. After a public outcry, a day later, he sends troops back to Afghanistan to airlift Americans and Afghan supporters out of the country. The airlift is chaotic, taking anyone the Taliban would let into the airport, not necessarily those who helped us. Biden’s goal is a press release puffing his feat as the biggest airlift in history.

In the middle of the chaos, the Washington Post reports the Taliban offered the U.S. control of the city of Kabul until the Americans left. This offer would have allowed U.S. soldiers to evacuate all Americans and Afghans who wanted out. General McKenzie, with orders from Biden to secure only the airport, refuses the offer and secures only the airport.

These actions are all in addition to leaving tens of billions in equipment for the Taliban; thirteen fallen heroes and several hundred Afghans dead at the airport.

Tony Blair, former prime minister of Great Britain, termed Biden’s withdrawal, “imbecilic.”. Even the Democrat propagandist, The Washington Post, called “This a moral disaster…”

Immigration policy: According to the US Department of State, “the United States accepts more legal immigrants as permanent residents than the rest of the world combined.” The U.S. has thousands of pages of policy on how citizens from other countries can legally enter the U.S. Rather than following U.S. law, the Biden administration abandons all legal procedures and encourages chaotic, illegal, immigration at the southern border.  Biden also puts the entire $53 billion per year cost of food, shelter, health care for up to two million illegals on the American people.

The open border allows immigrants to self-select who will enter the U.S. and empowers drug cartels to determine who they will help immigrate to the U.S.  Also contrary to U.S. criminal law concerning the illegal distribution of drugs in the U.S., the open southern border is a green light for drug smugglers, resulting in a 233% increase in illegal drugs from Mexico, Central America, and China.

Surrenders’ energy dominance: At the end of the Trump administration, the U.S. was the dominant energy producer in the world. Trump embraced expanding the nation’s production of fossil fuels, oil and gas exports to our allies, lower energy prices, drilling on federal lands, and imposed sanctions on Russia’s proposed Nord Stream 2 pipeline to Germany, thereby preventing Russia from selling its oil in Europe.

In Biden’s first days in office, he terminates the Keystone pipeline, and drilling on federal lands, while removing Trump’s sanctions on Russia’s Nord Stream pipeline. Biden so greatly restricts the production of U.S. oil and gas he is forced to beg Saudi Arabia and OPEC to increase production to avoid serious economic disruption. Biden’s cuts in oil and gas production increased the price of gasoline by 40% in seven months. Worse, sanctions on the Russian pipeline allow Russia to enter the European market.

Masks, to wear or not wear that is the question: Biden’s Center for Disease Control (“CDC”) tells us masks are not needed. Then it recommends we all wear masks. Then tells us if we are fully vaccinated, we do not need to wear masks. Then abruptly recommends vaccinated, unvaccinated people, and school children need to wear masks. Finally, Biden orders all federal employees, except postal workers, and employees of large businesses are vaccinated or be fired.

The constantly changing CDC guidance and mask mandates leaves the public confused, irritated and some rebellious, while our great Democrat leaders, who imposed the mask mandates, hit the birthday dinner circuit (Gov. Newsom)’ Obama’s birthday bash;  a $29,000 per person campaign dinner (Speaker Pelosi); a hair salon (Speaker Pelosi); White House events (Speaker Pelosi), and participate in large protests  (Chicago Mayor Lightfoot), all without wearing masks. Most telling is AOC in her white gown, people lifting her dress up a staircase, at the Met Ball. She is not wearing a mask but all the staff and waiters are masked so as not to harm the “dignitaries.” It Seems the government mandates are for us commoners, not the “Big guys” Who always have an excuse for not wearing a mask.

Biden proves his contempt for our dead heroes! During the solemn ceremonies at Dover Air Force Base where the bodies of the fallen heroes were repatriated, Biden is photographed checking his watch as each body is taken off the plane. A father of one of the heroes stated “In reference to the checking of his watch, that didn’t happen just once. That happened on every single one that came out of that airplane. It happened on every single one of them. They’d release the salute, and he’d look down at his watch – on all 13 he’d look down at his watch.’

When stupidity turns into absurdity!  “The National Archives Records Administration has placed a ‘harmful language alert’ (trigger warnings) on records in the website’s catalog concerning the nation’s founding documents (i.e., the Constitution, Bill of Rights, and Declaration of Independence).”

The NARA statement warns readers our founding documents contain “…some content that may be harmful or difficult to view.”  The language “… may reflect outdated, biased, offensive and possible violent views and opinions.”

When the Constitution of the United States becomes an offensive document to the President of the United States, the person constitutionally responsible for executing the laws of the nation, we certainly have a government of the absurd.

When absurdity turns to killing civilians!  After the wacky surrender in Afghanistan, our fearless commander-in-chief needed to prove his manhood by proving he could take on terrorists. So, from “over the horizon” he launches a drone attack on high-level “state terrorists.” He brags for days how he “took action.” A week later it turns out  Mighty Joe Biden killed at least “10 Afghan civilians, including seven children—but not an Islamic State terrorist.”

The Biden administration is full of surreal characters whose worthless purpose in life is to foster their illusions of self-importance to America.  The beliefs of the president and his advisors, do not correspond to life experienced by Americans.  The Biden administration is a staged event. Nothing about it is real. There is no president. There is only some unknown person behind the screen, huffing and puffing to create the perception America has a president. Perhaps the Biden administration is not a Government of the Absurd, it is the real Theatre of the Absurd and we have over three years more of drama.

William L. Kovacs, author of Reform the Kakistocracy: Rule by the Least Able or Least Principled Citizens, Winner of the 2021 Independent Press Award for Social/Political Change. Former senior vice president, U.S. Chamber of Commerce.